I’ve just read the first chapter of “洗脳” (“Brainwash”) authored by ToshI-kun. It’s very intense. I’ve heard it will get much more intense later..
I just wanted to share one part of the first chapter where ToshI announced to the X Japan members that he wanted to quit.
It was done at Yoshiki’s recording studio in LA.
He sat down with Yoshiki only. He could not even look at Yoshiki.
ToshI: “Yoshiki, there is something I have to tell you..” while he kept looking down. “I want to quit X..”
After a long duration of silence, Yoshiki said, “I understand.. ToshI..”
ToshI did not expect such a simple response from him.
Yoshiki continued, “But this has to be consulted with other members, so can I call other members now to talk about this?”
Soon, Hide and Heath joined.
Hide: “It’s you again, ToshI-kun!” (There was a reason why he said that.) “What’s going to happen to X without a vocalist!” (It was unusual for Hide to get so emotional.) “We’ve solved many problems no matter what problem arose. X is not only ToshI-kun’s life, but is also everyone else’s life. What are we going to do from now on!”
Yoshiki was just silent looking down and was playing Yoshiki-model guitar that he picked up from the floor.
ToshI: “Hide-chan, I thought about this over and over for a long time and have finally come to this conclusion. I can no longer devote myself to X with my body and soul. I cannot continue with you like this by deceiving myself. By meeting someone new, my life value has changed. I want to save people from now on.”
Hide: “We can save people with music.”
ToshI: “No I don’t think I can if I stay with X. I want to save people truthfully.”
Their dialogues continued..
Hide: “So you are saying a rock band cannot save people?”
ToshI: “That’s right.”
Yoshiki’s hand stopped from playing guitar.
Heath kept staring at one point on the table in silence.
Hide looked disgusted and pouted.
After everybody being silent for a while, Yoshiki said, “He is so determined to quit, so there’s no point of holding onto ToshI now.”
ToshI could no longer stay after hearing Yoshiki’s word, and left without looking back. He kept repeating, “I’m really sorry everyone.. Thank you very much until now..” but only in his heart.. He became fraught with emotion and cried..
We all know.. ToshI-kun was brainwashed.. 💔(*_*)
I just feel so heartbroken and moved by how Yoshiki reacted.. ( •̥́ ˍ •̀ू ) Being in such a big shock and hurt (I cannot even imagine how much), he was thoughtful, respectful to ToshI-kun’s decision and feeling, mature, and had a great courage to face facts. I find it extremely attractive.. よっちゃん、愛おしいよ。。
I feel sad to hear Hide-chan’s reaction knowing how much X meant to him (/ _ ; )
I wonder how Pata-chan reacted..
I am so grateful that ToshI-kun came back.. ❤️ お帰り〜 ＼(^o^)／ (But I still have many more chapters of the book to read.. *__*). Luv ToshI-kun!
Can’t wait for MSG~~!!!!
We Are X!!